Why “Don’t Hit Girls” Isn’t Enough

“Suffer in silence.” Other than, “don’t hit girls,” this is one of the primary lessons many boys are taught about how to act like men. This message may not always be spoken directly, but it is often absorbed through the actions, advice, idioms, maxims, and examples modeled by fathers and other male figures in our lives. These lessons stay with us, often subconsciously, as we grow, affecting our relationships and emotional well-being well into adulthood.

As men, we are constantly given the message that expressing our emotions is not, “manly.” At first glance, advice like, “don’t hit girls,” may seem positive, but it leaves out an important part of the conversation and ultimately does a disservice to young men. We tell boys not to hit girls, but we often fail to teach them what to do when they are hurt, upset, or struggling emotionally. Instead of teaching boys that it is okay to express their feelings, we encourage them to hide behind a shield of false chivalry and perpetuate the idea that anger and posturing are how men solve problems. Rather than simply telling boys, “don’t hit girls,” we should also be teaching them what it truly means to be a healthy, emotionally aware man.

The long-term effect of teaching boys that they cannot express their emotions is a lifetime of suffering in silence. This is especially tragic because men do suffer, and we do have emotional needs that are often overlooked by society. As men, it can be far too easy to focus on solving everyone else’s problems while neglecting our own health and well-being. We are often told that we must endure our struggles quietly because that is what it means to be a “real man.” But it does not have to be that way.

If no one has told you before, let this be a reminder to the men out there: your problems are valid. You matter. Just because someone else may be suffering does not mean that you have to suffer in silence. It is okay to not be okay sometimes. Do not be afraid to reach out for help; asking for support is one of the strongest things you can do.

Let’s start a conversation.

Jerome Yost
Youth Advocate